I feel the darkness...

Yup, I feel the depression wanting to come back into my mind. I feel it but I don't accept it!

I want to crawl into a hole and not come out for a week or two.

     I want to stop talking to the people who challenge me !

I want to but I refuse to do so!

I look at my previous posts and I see the same thoughts cycleing thrugh my head . I am sick of it and I really don't want to do it anymore. I see a trend with my blog... My thoughts revolve around how frustrated I am with myself that I haven't finished school and I am not what I know I should be. Instead of making a way to crawl out of the hole I tend to dig deeper. More pain and more lies set in and I feel even more lost, defeted and aggrivated.

Ultimatly I am frustrated by my choices.

No sugar coating thoughts of God will change that.

I need to be real,

I need to get this out

I need to talk to a professional.



I'm Not Sure I Want to Jump Down This Rabbit Hole....

The Lord has put certian people in my path the past few weeks that have really challanged me. I have been avoiding some things in my life that the Lord wants to deal with. He says now is the time.

I am so scared!

I am so ashamed!

I am so worried.

Some secrets have come to light to a friend of mine and thank the good Lord it was a person that I can trust. She wants to help me heal, she wants to help me get thru what i need to work thru...

only problem is... I'm so scared!

I don't know if I am ready to go down the rabbit hole with her...however I know it's the only way I am going to be healed.

First Step...Admit it... I sinned...

Second Step... Stop my actions...

Third Step...Realize why I acted the way I did. (This is my puzzle....)

Fourth Step...  Be Healed and live fully!

I am overwhelmed by truely how much my God loves me! I am just so scared to move forward...

But Fear is a Lie! Fear keeps me stuck....Fear is death!

So, Lord help me move past the fear... help me understand my sin and turn away from the sin...not from you!

I Love You Lord!
I Thank You for your Grace!